What Really Matters

I’m getting married.  Yes, really, at age 60, I am getting married this fall to a man with whom I am deeply in love.  When asked why I would consider this step, why “bother” to get married again and enter the complications of marriage after dealing with all the difficulties of divorce, the answer is fairly simple: because I want to spend the rest of my life with this man, and I respect the commitment that marriage brings, the commitment to work at loving and respecting and growing with someone else.  I want another chance at this with all the knowledge I have gained over the years about life and relationships.

My first marriage took place when I was 23 in 1976.   (As I write those words it seems positively amazing that anyone could think they know who the right life-partner could be at age 23, yet we had a long marriage which produced two extraordinary children.)  The wedding itself was very much of the times:  I sewed our wedding outfits, a friend baked a cake topped with naked bride and groom cookies (I kid you not) and some strange dog walked in the front door, snoozed through the wedding, and left.  We had no money for a fancy wedding, nor did we want one.

Planning a wedding this time around is so different.  We both have families with several generations.  We have lifelong friends we want included.  We have some disposable income.  And I am having a wonderful time planning the event.  I can easily understand how a young bride-to-be can get so swept up in the planning, the details.  There are so many details, and tradition dictates even more.  Wedding fantasies placed in young girls’ heads come bubbling out and put immense pressure on the event. 

I am not young and never had that wedding fantasy.  But I can find myself climbing down that rabbit hole of details.  I love being the producer of events, but for such a significant event, I find myself involved with some detail or other every day – and we are 8 months away!  What will I wear?  (I am having a great time with this one!) Do I have to have invitations?  Where will everyone stay?  Are there parts of a wedding that tradition dictates that I don’t want to forget?  Flowers?  Music?  Help!

And then I remember what matters – that I am committing to a life with my partner.  That’s all, that’s what it’s all about.  The rest will fall in place, including my dress.